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There's No Business Like Show Business

A former female co-worker just might have been the worst movie watcher of all time. She once asked me if I had seen The Postman with Kevin Costner. I hadn't seen it and didn't really want to, but I knew it was a post-apocalypse story where a man tries to rebuild American society by, of all things, restarting postal service. (Sounds like an early Woody Allen movie premise.)  When I described the movie to her that way she said "No, it's about how the post office got started." She honestly thought it was set in colonial America and was based on the story of how the United States Postal Service got started. When I pointed out "They didn't have automatic machine guns in the 1700's" she still wasn't buying it.

Another time she mentioned Fried Green Tomatoes and i brought up the point that "the two young women in the book are lesbians."  She gave me the craziest look and wouldn't believe me. It turned out she thought I was talking about Kathy Bates and Jessica Tandy and she had NO MEMORY of the characters played by Mary Stuart Masterson and Mary-Louise Parker.

Then to top it all off, when The Blair Witch Project was released she went to see it and then asked me if I thought it was real. I ran through a whole list of reasons why it wasn't, beginning with the fact that the three actors in the film were making the talk show circuit for a few weeks. Not to mention why would they release to commercial movie theaters a film that depicts the possible murders of three missing teenagers? When I got done listing off all the reasons she just looked at me blankly and said, "Whatever. I think it's real."

I've never met anyone else who was that bad at watching movies and figuring things out. Jessica's biggest problem is not remembering if she's seen a movie or not. I'll suggest a movie and she'll be sure she hasn't seen it and suddenly with about five or ten minutes left she'll blurt out, "Oh! I've seen this before!" This hasn't just happened once or twice. It's happened dozens of times.

Then there's my dad...He pretty much hates movies unless it's Clint Eastwood or Charles Bronson or others of their ilk. But anytime a movie discussion starts he will inevitably say, "I'll never forget that scene in The Sand Pebbles when that guy hits that other guy in the stomach with an axe. I'll NEVER forget that."



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Mar. 28th, 2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
Funny story about Fried Green Tomatoes, I hadn't seen the movie since I was younger and had not picked up on the fact that the women in the movie are supposed to be lesbians. I guess it is a LOT more subtle in the movie than the book, but still, I always thought it was just a story about friendship! And when I watched it with Scott recently he instantly picked up on it, so I am just dense. :P Not that it changes my opinion of the movie at all, it was just shocking (to realize how not-perceptive I truly am).

I have a friend who can also never remember what movies she has or hasn't seen, which is kind of funny. My biggest difficulty with watching movies, as Khoi and Karla can attest to, is that I instantly fall asleep. Something about reclining on a couch with the TV on in the evening, when I am already tired, makes me immediately nod off. I even fall asleep in movie theaters sometimes. I even fell asleep at the opening night of the Star Wars re-release when I was in high school, and that is not a quiet movie, and I had waited in line for 3 hours. It is a problem.
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